27. Inner Love

Thank you to another guest writer for the great post today.

“Self-love is the instrument of our preservation.”  ~Voltaire

All of my life I have believed that I cared greatly for the ones I loved. More so than for myself, I have always given my brothers and sisters my toys and other things as we grew up. I would create situations that I thought would bring happiness to them and knew they would love me. I would take strides of great effort to be who I thought my love ones saw me as. I would meet new people and do the same, trying to win the approval as many people as I could so I would feel like my life were valid. I was looking for love to fill me up, for a very long time. While I did not know that was the case, I judged the world with eyes of sick perception. Everyone was not giving me what I needed. I tried so hard to give it to them

You see almost two and a half years ago I had finally gone emotionally bankrupt. Love for me only came in a tear or two, when I would think of my daughter and my failure as a father. I had looked everywhere for love, and never found what I believed to be true love. I must remind you, back then in this moment I did not know this truth. I just thought life was unfair, that I was victim of chance. . I saw me giving, and them taking, that was my perception on most of my relationships. Hidden underneath that perception was the truth that I see today. I was trying to take from them something I didn’t have, love.

In recent weeks I have come to realize the truth of myself, and the difference between love and hate, all of it begins within me. See whether it is stemming from my childhood or my drive for perfection I am a natural self-hater. I am in most situations never good enough, in my mind through my layers of consciousness, that thought becomes true. I do become what I believe myself to be. If a never measure up, if no one loves me enough, if I say to myself, “you are ugly, you are not strong enough, you are not fast enough, you are not smart enough. “ That becomes who I am. These things are a sure sign of an emotional sickness of self-hate. Therefore I know see, It is self-love that is the answer. It strikes me right down my spine. All the love I need, all that I can ever give, comes from within myself. I am smart, I am good looking, I am fast, I am strong, I am beautiful! Once I finally saw this, I started to become… loved.

Affirmation: I have all the love in the world and that love is an inner Love. I am dependent on love and love myself independently. Thank You Life.

Call to action: Take notice throughout the day how often you put yourself down. If you notice a moment you are downing yourself. Say the opposite. Ex. “I’m just not meant to be physically fit” instead say” I am physically fit, and I will be fit, soon.” You probably won’t believe these things you say to yourself at first. Be vigilant. You will start to believe, and will become what you believe… then you will know love.

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